i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
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Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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