All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So vagazzling was a success
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
