for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
