Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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