There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
