After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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