Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
