Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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