also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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