Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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