I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
