She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
