Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the day after is always just damage control
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
