I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize