Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
