is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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