I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
