I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
not ubering you a puppy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
