Umm I'm too high to move.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
