Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
