For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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