So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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