i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just gargled with NyQuil
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
