This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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