I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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