I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
