I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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