he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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