hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
