Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
