You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
