Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
