I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
