"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just google imaged poop.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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