Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
