We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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