so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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