Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
