im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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