we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
