I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3