There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
