I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
