well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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