Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
