Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
