Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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