I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
