did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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