So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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