Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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