I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
