He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
