He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
