Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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