yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We just shotgunned beers for America
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
