I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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