I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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