First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
