I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
