the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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