And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
