Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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