Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
